Bell's World

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Transsexual speaks, records documentary at
Stonewall Kats meeting tomorrow night

By Chase Williams
Published: Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Leslie Townsend has had a very extraordinary life. Not
only has she had a multitude of occupations including a
model, comedienne, dancer and secretary, but twenty
years ago she was also a man.

Leslie Townsend, now an out transsexual, will be speaking
at the Stonewall Kats meeting tomorrow at 7 p.m. in the
LSC Theater.

"[The speech] will be beneficial to the campus because....

- - - for more - - - click here

Houstonian Online, Sam Houston State University

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thank you goes to Lydia for permission to share this
great article with you...

enjoy....

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Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words...

Has it ever occurred to you how much you are saying to people
even when you are not speaking? Unless you are a master of
disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true
thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not.

Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the messages
you convey. The remaining 93% is non-verbal. 55% of
communication is based on what people see and the other 38% is
transmitted through tone of voice. So think about it. In the
business setting, people can see what you are not saying. If
your body language doesn't match your words, you are wasting
your time.

Eye contact is the most obvious way you communicate. When you
are looking at the other person, you show interest. When you
fail to make eye contact, you give the impression that the other
person is of no importance. Maintain eye contact about 60% of
the time in order to look interested, but not aggressive.

Facial expression is another form of non-verbal communication. A
smile sends a positive message and is appropriate in all but a
life and death situation. Smiling adds warmth and an aura of
confidence. Others will be more receptive if you remember to
check your expression.

Your mouth gives clues, too, and not just when you are speaking.
Mouth movements, such as pursing your lips or twisting them to
one side, can indicate that you are thinking about what you are
hearing or that you are holding something back.

The position of your head speaks to people. Keeping your head
straight, which is not the same as keeping your head on straight,
will make you appear self-assured and authoritative. People
will take you seriously. Tilt your head to one side if you want
to come across as friendly and open.

How receptive you are is suggested by where you place your arms.
Arms crossed or folded over your chest say that you have shut
other people out and have no interest in them or what they are
saying. This position can also say, "I don't agree with you."
You might just be cold, but unless you shiver at the same time,
the person in front of you may get the wrong message.

How you use your arms can help or hurt your image as well.
Waving them about may show enthusiasm to some, but others see
this gesture as one of uncertainty and immaturity. The best
place for your arms is by your side. You will look confident and
relaxed. If this is hard for you, do what you always do when
you want to get better at something - practice. After a while,
it will feel natural.

The angle of your body gives an indication to others about
what's going through your head. Leaning in says, "Tell me more."
Leaning away signals you've heard enough. Adding a nod of your
head is another way to affirm that you are listening.

Posture is just as important as your grandmother always said it
was. Sit or stand erect if you want to be seen as alert and
enthusiastic. When you slump in your chair or lean on the wall,
you look tired. No one wants to do business with someone who has
no energy.

Control your hands by paying attention to where they are. In the
business world, particularly when you deal with people from
other cultures, your hands need to be seen. That would mean you
should keep them out of your pockets and you should resist the
urge to put them under the table or behind your back. Having
your hands anywhere above the neck, fidgeting with your hair or
rubbing your face, is unprofessional.

Legs talk, too. A lot of movement indicates nervousness. How
and where you cross them tells others how you feel. The
preferred positions for the polished professional are feet flat
on the floor or legs crossed at the ankles. The least
professional and most offensive position is resting one leg or
ankle on top of your other knee. Some people call this the
"Figure Four." It can make you look arrogant.

The distance you keep from others is crucial if you want to
establish good rapport. Standing too close or "in someone's
face" will mark you as pushy. Positioning yourself too far away
will make you seem standoffish. Neither is what you want so
find the happy medium. Most importantly, do what makes the other
person feel comfortable. If the person with whom you are
speaking keeps backing away from you, stop. Either that person
needs space or you need a breath mint.

You may not be aware of what you are saying with your body, but
others will get the message. Make sure it's the one you want to
send.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lydia Ramsey is a business etiquette expert, professional
speaker, corporate trainer and author of MANNERS THAT SELL -
ADDING THE POLISH THAT BUILDS PROFITS. She has been quoted or
featured in The New York Times, Investors' Business Daily,
Entrepreneur, Inc., Real Simple and Woman's Day. For more
information about her programs, products and services, e-mail
her at lydia@mannersthatsell.com or visit her web site
http://www.mannersthatsell.com


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Men and Women communicate Differently
Robert Elias Najemy

Although each gender tends to express itself quite differently,
most philosophical teachings agree that the soul is neither male
nor female. As souls, we incarnate into a gender in order to learn
through that experience. Through our experimentation with the
various qualities of each sex we are seeking to experience our
true whole self. Until we do experience our inner fullness, we
seek to find completion externally through a love partner. This
effort towards attunement with the other sex brings stability,
joy, security and affirmation but is not without problems and
challenges. One main challenge is being able to understand,
respond to and find solutions for the need differences when they
occur. Some of these main conflicts are differing needs for:

a. Cleanliness - order
b. Affection, sex
c. How to use money
d. How to bring up children
e. Social activity

Most of these conflicts actually have to do with:
1. Freedom vs. control = power
2. Who is right = self-worth

COMMUNICATION DIFFERENCES

In addition to these differing needs, men and women have different
ways of and motives for communicating. Both, of course, use
communication as a means to express needs, prove they are right
and affirm their self-worth. Whatever we will say here is of course
a generalization and there will be numerous exceptions.

Studies have shown, however, that women use communication in order
to create an emotional connection or bond. Thus the communication
itself is the purpose.

Men seem to perceive communication as a means towards some result
such as solving a problem.

Thus, we often have the situation in which a woman will start a
conversation about a subject, not because she wants a solution but
because she experiences a connection through the communication
itself. The man however, feels that communication has only one
purpose, to arrive at a conclusion or solution and then there is
no more need to communicate. Thus the universal problem that women
feel men are aloof and men that women are interrogators.

MEN DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT EMOTIONS

If they are talking about the woman's emotions, then they are
likely to feel that they are to blame and are being criticized
since the woman is not happy. If a woman expresses an emotion,
she usually wants recognition of that fact that she feels that
way. The man usually does not realize this and seeks in the least
possible words to convince her that there is no reason for her to
feel this way. He seeks a solution. She then looses her vehicle
of connecting.

If she wants to talk about his emotions, it is even worse. First
of all he seldom knows what his emotions are. He has been trained
a whole lifetime to suppress, hide or shut off what he is feeling.
Secondly, even if he has some awareness of what he feels, he feels
totally demeaned if he has to admit that he feels self-doubt or
fear. Men in general do not like to admit their fears or weaknesses.
All of the above are of course generalizations, and there will be
exceptions.

We have here a serious problem in communication in which each sex
will need to understand the other.

WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER

Women need to understand that when men are aloof or do not
communicate their feelings and thoughts, it is often simply
because they function differently and not because they do not
love their love partner. They experience unity, not so much
through words but rather through action, such as working to make
money and take care of the family.

Men on the other hand need to understand that women need to
generate feelings of unity and love through verbal communication.
Men need to acknowledge women's feelings rather than find reasons
why they shouldn't have them.

(Adapted from the forthcoming book "Relationships of Conscious
Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His recently released book
"The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5)
and other writings can be viewed at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can download FREE articles and e-books.)

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